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“I was going to masturbate but I think I will cum quicker if you watch me ;-)”.
“Ah,” thought Lori. That’s what the texting is about tonight. “Ok” was her return text. Not, “no way – stop wasting my time”. Or, “leave me alone”. Or, “find someone else to watch you wank off. I’m not interested.”
She’s been on the fence about Justin forever. She thought she was done after he told her he thought her meditation class was dumb and that she was just throwing money away at a charlatan without knowing anything about it. “It’s my money and my time,” she thought. “Why does he have to go about yucking my yum?”
Lori met Justin on a dating app. He was different from the get go. This is how he started his profile:
“I stared down the barrel of a shotgun and survived with only the tip of a finger missing.”
“I was a member of an outlaw motorcycle gang while also legally practicing law in the state of California.”
“I suffer from PTSD and I study the Dao De Jing.”
In the pictures, Lori saw a large man, bald head, blue eyes and lots of tattoos. Many of them on his hands and fingers. The right hand spelled out “good” and the left “evil”. She saw a cross and a heart. He also had tattoos up and down his arms and Lori would learn later at the top of his back and on his chest as well.
Why Lori reached out to such a serious bad boy, only she knows. Actually, it was the transformation. Anyone that goes through major changes and survives is kind of sexy to Lori. She could imagine someone really smart that got pulled into doing stupid things. She could relate. So she reached out to him, choosing to mimic his writing style. She wrote, “I write pornography to men I don’t know and then get scared when they want to fuck me.” And thus began the 6-month romance between Lori and Justin.
Before meeting in person, they chatted online and went on a couple of video dates. Justin was clearly smart and had interesting things to say. He worked for a nonprofit in the city. She admired his efforts to make the world a little bit better for the community he served.
He vaped. She didn’t like that. He lived an hour away. Yikes! That was a lot of time to be away from home. And his home was a rented room in a house. And this was during the pandemic. But Lori was curious, intrigued, horny, and thought she would enjoy her time with him.
“I would like to meet you.” Justin said into the screen during one of their first video chats.
“I would like to meet you as well.” Responded Lori, getting very excited by their conversation.
She sent him some of the things she had written previously. He knew her whole back story. How she was looking for a lover, yada yada. They agreed on meeting at a public park. Justin suggested they write a story together.
She LOVED the idea of writing a story together. She likes working on projects with others. She picked up two special notebooks, pens/pencils, clip boards. She was really into it. Justin told her about his writing. She knew from their conversations he was smart. She imagined sitting at a picnic table. Taking turns writing a sexy story together. She wanted to see where it would go. Where he would take them. How she would add to it.
Then he suggested they just meet in his room at his house in Richmond. That was ok too. She had already decided to have sex with him. Meeting at his house would be more convenient. They could still write together. She was a little nervous about the roommates but Justin said it would be ok so she believed him.
The drive to Richmond is a long one straight up the ugliest highway in California; Interstate 880. It’s an auxiliary highway between San Jose and Oakland and runs along the inner east bay area. Tons of traffic, a million lanes, lots of semis; basically a nightmare. Even during the pandemic, I880 is a mess.
On her way keçiören escort out of the house to meet with Justin for the first time, Lori was stumbling in the kitchen and the edge of a glass plate went crashing down on her big right toe. It hurt really badly and she was already leaving late but still wanted to drive thru Starbucks on her way up. She ended up just running out of the house, trying to ignore the toe.
Lori turned into the drive thru just before hitting the freeway. While there, she discovered her toe was bleeding. She got water and napkins from Starbucks and cleaned it up as best she could but she probably needed a band aid. She got in touch with Justin and made sure he had some basic first aid supplies and let him know she was running behind schedule. He was cool with it and assured her he had the necessary supplies.
His house was the last house on a cul de sac that ended at a park. He waited for Lori on one of the picnic tables. He was as advertised, big, bald, tattooed. He was vaping. He was wearing flip flops, shorts and a Hawaiian-print shirt. She was wearing linen slacks, sandals, a crochet top. She stuffed the notebooks, pins, and clipboards into her pink straw bag and threw in clothespins, lube and hair ties just in case.
The neighborhood was kind of a run down middle-class suburb. The house was super funky. There was an old RV in the driveway. The yard was overgrown and unkempt. Lori locked up her car and they made their awkward greeting and headed towards the back of the house. The backyard was reminiscent of the front with the exception of an abandoned hot tub and a motorcycle taking up lawn space.
They walked in through the glass door into what was probably a family room repurposed to be used as a closet. There was a table set up with two chairs and the communal kitchen. A roommate was sitting at the table. Brief introductions were made and then they walked up the stairs to Justin’s bedroom.
His room was at the top of the stairs, on the right next to the bathroom. It was in real life, much smaller than it appeared on screen. A double bed, a desk with a huge screen, a laptop, a full closet, a bin for clothes, a desk chair, an old-timey stereo/speaker system.
Lori was directed to the one spot it was safe to sit on at the bed. He brought out the first aid kit and she offered up her foot. It was the first time in at least 15 years since someone other than a doctor took notice of her foot. He applied the band aid while she reclined on the bed. She got a tiny foot massage – her ex husband used to massage her feet.
She wanted Justin to keep massaging and to move up her calf and thigh, continue on to her pussy, up her belly, to her breasts and for his lips to find purchase on her mouth. But instead, she received the polite, tap tap on the bottom of her foot while she was imagining all of this. The tap tap was the clue she needed to pull her foot away from him so she did and she sat up.
Lori brought out the pads of paper, the clipboards and the pens/pencils. He chose a pen. She took the pencil. He wanted them to share the same story and he wanted to start. Lori let him. She watched him write a word or maybe it was a sentence. She watched him pause for what seemed like forever. Lori laid down on the bed and watched him. She rolled onto her tummy and watched him some more.
He was sitting in his chair at the desk. Just inches from her; maybe a foot. It would be so easy for her to just reach over. She stared at the tattoos on his hands. The one on his right forearm closest to her. She wanted to trace her fingers on the tattoos and listen to his stories about his life. Instead she watched and waited.
Finally, he wrote another sentence. Lori was getting antsy. She told him she was going to start writing her own story. She picked up the other notebook kızılay escort and began writing.
“I’m lying on his bed and he is just inches away from me. Writing his own story. Lost in the white spaces anchored by the light blue lines that cover the surface of the page. But I don’t care about his words. I just want to run my fingertips over the celctic knot design covering his arm. I want him to run his hand over my ass. I want our lips to touch and to begin exploring.
I wonder what he is writing. I wonder how long he will take. I think it’s cute that we are going through this exercise of writing. I guess he doesn’t know it’s not necessary. I’m here for him after all.”
“Hey Lori, let’s read what we’ve written out loud. I’ll go first.”
So he began reading his story out loud. A string of words without meaning or substances that didn’t go anywhere. They seemingly had no beginning and no ending and read a little like a legal brief. And then it was Lori’s turn. And her words conveyed her needs and desires. Her willingness and her hunger. Her readiness for whatever the afternoon might bring. And when she came to the end of her words, Justin took his notebook and threw it to the side. He put on some death or doom metal (who can really tell the difference between the two) and got naked.
Lori learned that Justin liked to be petted and scratched. He liked laying on his stomach and having his partner caress his back. He didn’t really care all that much about kissing. He liked having his ass played with. He liked it when his prostate was stimulated while he jacked off. He liked seeing breasts and he liked professional clothes. He liked spraying his ejaculate on faces and boobs. She learned he was an exhibionist. He liked to jack off online on a website called chatter bait or something similar.
After their sexual introduction to each other, they talked about growing up broken. About overcoming life’s trials. About being vulnerable and sometimes not understanding the actions of other people. They talked about their pasts. His marriages. His time in jail. How he ended up living in the house he is in now. How he is grateful for many of the positive things in his life. About past relationships. About the damn pandemic and sheltering in place. About psych meds and belonging. About healing and about pain.
Lori wanted to cuddle him. She wanted to love him and hug him. She wanted to feel him curl up to her so he can know how good it can feel. She wanted him to be vulnerable and for it to feel ok. She wanted to be his friend. She wanted to be his lover. She wanted to make it all better. She knew when these thoughts came that they were in trouble. People aren’t puzzles to be put back together and she has no business getting wrapped up into his stuff when she has enough stuff for a village.
They continued to see each other. Every couple of weeks he would invite her over. They no longer pretended to create anything together. They would hang out in his room where he would introduce her to music like Die Antwoord, Brother Ali, Ice Cube, and the Hu from Mongolia and try to teach her about all of the metal genres and how to differentiate between them. He would lecture her on socioeconomic stratification and the military industrial complex.
They watched obscure movies. They had sex. She confessed to him about being attracted to BDSM. He slapped at her breasts and pulled on her nipples for her. She bought a magic wand to live with him in his room. He bought an attachment for his penis. She bought him some anal training dildos. She had a book sent to him and asked him to read it.
The book was “The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane” by Kate DiCamillo. It’s a children’s story about a china rabbit doll that is loved then lost over and over again and in the process learns ankara escort to also love. To Lori the book was an example of how our trials, our tattoos and our scars, make us who we are and in the process teach us how to give and receive love. She wanted Justin to know he was alright and like Edward he was capable of giving and receiving. But Justin wasn’t as evolved as the china rabbit.
He couldn’t even manage to read the book. One day, she asked if he had read it and he said no. She asked if she could read it out loud. He brought it out for her and she started reading. She might have gotten through the first chapter when he asked her to please stop. She looked up and saw that he was on the verge of a serious emotional outburst that he was trying to desperately hold back. He brought out the Dao De Jing and asked her to read from that instead. She did.
She shared her stories with him. She shared things that were symbolic of her and her struggles and he didn’t have the emotional capacity to experience them. And then he would feel like a failure for not being able to open up to her. But their sex life got sexier and sexier.
The last time they were together, they started the same way as always. They were both naked on the bed. His arms were curled up underneath him and his face was pointing down. He asked her to scratch his back. She did and when she got to his ass she kept going and began working her way in between his thighs. He shifted then, raising his hip to expose himself to her. She saw his big thick cock. Her hands made their way to it. She started to play with it and soon it was in her mouth and she was between his legs.
She sucked his cock with fervor and tenderness. She tasted all of him. She used a finger to find his prostate. She tasted his balls. She bit the inside of his thigh. She teased and tasted and explored. Then he asked her to stop and he played with her pussy and suckled her nipples. He pulled out the rabbit vibrator and put it inside her while positioning the bunny ears around her clit. In addition to the vibrations, the head of this vibrator also rotated and Justin used his upper body strength to push it into her. Lori was enthralled and she sang her song loudly and came with a deep satisfaction. He then asked her to get on her knees. She complied.
Justin began playing with her ass. He used her butt plug on her as he lubed up his cock and for the first time ever Justin entered her. Just for a little bit. It felt good to have his cock inside her. She wanted him to come that way but instead he pulled out and asked her to get on the ground. He asked for her finger to find his prostate again. He asked her to be ready to accept his ejaculate in her mouth when he came. And he towered over her pulling on his cock, feeling her finger inside him and began to jack off. When the time came, Lori’s mouth was open and eager and sucked down all the cum she could manage.
After, she stayed on the ground and hugged his leg as she listened to another obscure band while he vaped. She felt relaxed – her orgasm satisfied. When she got up to leave he walked her out like he always did. He gave her a hug at her car door. And then she drove home.
Lori heard from him before Thanksgiving. She knew the holidays were going to be hard for him. That they had always been hard for him. She tried to impart all of the self care knowledge she had gathered from years of therapy and self-help books. She offered to spend time with him. She told him about Gizdich farm and their amazing pies and the beautiful drive to Watsonville through Uvas Canyon and past Mt Hamilton. He didn’t reach out to her though and the whole season marched by without contact.
And then when she finally did hear from him, he called because he wanted her to watch him jack off. And she did. She even played with her nipple for him. They talked about getting together after Valentine’s Day. That was months ago. Will he call her again? Maybe. It really just doesn’t matter. Lori needs to find someone with a greater capacity for connection. Even good satisfying orgasms just aren’t enough anymore.
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