300 So, there we were in Cyprus

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300 So, there we were in Cyprus300 So, there we were in Cyprus So there we were, in the 1960`s 20 years old British soldiers, seconded to the UN in Cyprus for 6 months. The island was an island of two halves Greek and Turkish with a United Nations neutral zone known as the green line Twix the two sides, Both Greek and Turks had a fair size military presence, and the UN had contingents from Sweden, Norway, Ireland, Canada and the UK. Austrians supplied the hospital and the Finnish policed the job the British contingent supplied transport and logistics in UN colours and in addition the British had a garrison complete with hospital a port and an airfield of their own on the island.Thus the little island was crammed with squaddies, full of, good food, cheap local beer, under blue sky `s , sun, sand, the warm clean clear Mediterranean sea to swim in, plenty of off duty time, what more could lusty young men need? Well there is the company of women of course; here we were in Aphrodite’s island long before it became the holiday knocking shop it now is. Surprise, surprise, the young, local women were kept well away from lusty young soldiery, so all that pent-up testosterone was looking for any outlet.The British garrison and airfield had Service women, but the permanent troops made sure that we, UN men didn’t get a sniff of them; the Austrian hospitals had a few nurses, but most were male (or looked like they had once been) who were known as the Hitler youth! They were outnumbered by about 900 to 1 a balance no doubt they took full advantage of.Naturally the local ladies of the night, from whichever side they came; had field days, if they each had a second pair of legs apiece they all would have opened another branch, business was that good!That left for those of us who were not keen on risking the clap or worse, the more mature ladies, wives of the few ex pats who had settled here and the few holiday makers who had not fetched their! hubbies or boyfriends with them [or indeed the odd rare ones that had and played cuck].Now, the section of transport I was in charge of at the time was oddball to say the least, a couple of cranes, four sewage tankers, a few water bowsers, included a couple newish ones with high capacity pumps, a fact that did not escape the notice of an ex pat who lived up to the north of the island who accosted me in a bar one morning in the second month saying he was having trouble with his swimming pool and needing it “pumped out,” while his wife was away on holiday for a small but fairly deep repair near the bottom under the single diving board. He offered shall we say a financial incentive so I and one of my younger drivers, one shagger Bailey promised to assist the very next week.The appointed day arrived, and we slipped quietly away to do the business for our new friend, Tim, who was obviously an ex officer. Pumping out began and the pool was drained in just a few hours, the cash was a boost, and we went on our way the authorities none the wiser believing we had been working in the Irish army sector. The pool was soon being worked on by a couple of locals and a week later, the repair completed we returned connected up the pumps to fill the pool again, the snag being the sea was ½ a mile away, so using pipes borrowed from the sewage tankers [known hereabouts as ‘uggys’] and with both pumps in the pipeline a ¼mile apart we soon had clean sea water filling the pool. As expected it took a while and just as we were about to complete the job, in fact we were just loading the hoses when a good looking blonde lady arrived. The lady of the house had returned. She was about 40, or 45, slightly illegal bahis overweight but not heavy, big busted, about 5 ft 10” She had in tow a girl of about 18, blond and slim with a tidy figure, who Shagger immediately began to “eye up”.Mother asked what we were doing, and I explained about the repair, telling her that the filters would need a day or so to clean the water to perfection again. Her husband reappeared, paid us over a bottle of cold beer, and invited us back to have “a meal and test the water” the following weekend, which seemed to please the lady and her daughter who by now had started on a bottle of local wine while watching our every move, Shagger too seemed well pleased.The job over, off we went, slipping in the back gate and telling the sentry we had had a hard job and slipping the hoses back in their places on the uggys with no one any the wiser! Returning the following Saturday as arranged, in one of the un amenity car`s Tim met us and explained to Shagger`s disappointment that his wife and daughter had “gone shopping” and would be back soon, however the hubby called me into the house and “had a word”, however it was not the word I expected …I was expecting the “keep your grubby mitt`s off the ladies speech!” What I got was the green light; it seemed our friend had a thing about watching his wife and/ or daughter with other men, and he wanted to watch! He had fitted; hidden cameras, he said in the changing room where the thing worked on a movement sensor. It was, he said for his own use and for me not to let on. if young shagger got lucky He also said could I let the ladies know he would be out all afternoon but would be in for tea. Sex was something all lads of that age try to achieve and the more the merrier so the green light with mother was, just that; onto the starting blocks and away we go.Meanwhile we were to just enjoy the pool which was refreshingly cool and Crystal clear thanks to our hard work and the filters having filtered out anything that may have been held in those grotty uggy pipes!The two ladies reappeared and served cool drinks and then joined us by the pool. My laddo having obviously picked the daughter, wandered away with her, so mum was obviously my target! Now at that time I was a lad of 20 just going on 21, I stood 6 ft 5” and at 13 stone was as fit as any flea. the sun in Cyprus tends to bleach the hair, so I was nearly blond and my skin was a golden brown so though I say it myself I was a catch …or at least I reckoned so and thought myself fairly quick off the mark especially with the more mature ladies but by the time I got back in the water, my lad shagger (not for nothing was he called shagger) was already in the changing room with the daughter, which appealed to my sense of humour, and unwittingly he would soon be on film!I must admit it didn`t take long for me to be in the living room stripping an eager mum of her swim suit though looking back she may have been fairly willing. (Note living room as no way was I going to be on film in the changing rooms! Though what I did not know was that there were a lot of hidden cameras all over the gaff!Now mum who if my memory serves, was named Lauren? not that her name was first thing on my mind Was a cumley piece who had no qualms about cheating on hubby who she referred to as “the little perve” who according to her, “would be happy to find she had been screwed all afternoon.” “Happy to oblige mam I am sure!” And screw we did, the kitchen on the table, in the living room; and finally in the bathroom shower, before finishing with a flourish on their big double bed.Tim as he had promised returned, just youwin güvenilir mi in time for tea, and I had to round up Shagger who was still at it by now in the girl`s roomThey said they had been ‘playing chess’ and had not noticed the time…(note to self: must learn that version of chess if that`s what they were doing cos the one I learnt at school didn’t need to be nude!)Anyway we all sat down to a lovely meal served by the elderly housekeepers who until then neither of us knew were even in the house! I fervently hoped they had wiped down the kitchen table before they did the meal, considering what Tim`s wife and I had been doing on it earlier!After the meal the daughter and shagger went for another swim and no doubt another game of chess!The three of us sat in the lounge watching a film of the old railway that used to cross the island, Tim having a keen interest in railways all his life and I having been a military railwayman and steam engine driver before I got this job.Lauren no doubt bored, wandered away to make a cocktail or two and Tim quietly whispered that he had a library of good porn films which he would show sometime when the ladies were out. The evening was soon over and two slightly less than sober squaddies went back to their barracks, having had a fine day, meals, women and a few drinks.By now you must have realised that I perhaps was, well, shall we say up for any fiddle available, and it was on one of my uggy`s, emptying cesspits that I met a chap named Mack, a member of the Canadian un detachment in a camp near kyrenia, he knew I had a few odd [as in strange] vehicles and his mate Toby had a place that we could use as a cinema so together we three hatched a plan to show porn to the troops at a price, Mack would supply the projector seats and drinks, I would provide the screen and Tim could supply the films.The cinema chosen was a small oval quarry just outside the Canadian camp, a remote spot at best, in the middle of nowhere, ½ mile from the main road and the only neighbour a monastery a good mile away on the other-side of the road we thought it ideal. We passed the word amongst the lower ranks and time and date were arranged, fine,Mack “borrowed” the projector and I supplied two 5ton cranes and an Irish army white marquee side which hoisted twix the cranes made a huge screen. Easily 20 feet high and about the same wide. The screen was erected at the outer end of the quarry, as we being brighter than the average bear we thought that it may have been better to put the rear of the screen towards the road so as not to offend the locals, the monks or the military police. What a mistake to make as we will see!At the appointed hour … i.e; once it got a bit dark… on the Saturday evening we had a number of paying guests, easily a hundred or so and a good film showing on the screen.The four of us would divide the fees later and Tim was running a bit of a bar as an extra; crates of local hooch being dispensed from the rear of another of my more unusual vehicles an old ambulance that spent its real life servicing trucks all over the island.The first film a crisp and clear 20 foot high blow job, came to an end, and the second a shorter lesbian job began rolling, when the Irish contingent arrived, another 40 bods took up their seats [ammo crates]We had taken their pennies and dispensed some more drinks when the film changed and Tim gave me a dig in the ribs The bugger had slipped me a dummy and the film was Lauren and I shagging our brains out all over the family house….embarrassed, I was mortified, but as we were all pretty well dieseled up, by now and all youwin we could do was laugh, no way could I remove the film the Irish would have lynched us if we had short changed them!I was rubbing my hands together like shylock knowing that the very next week was my 21st birthday and this little enterprise was going to finance a whale of a party when with no warning and with a squeal of military land-rover brakes, the cinema shall we say suddenly closed. we were raided, Finnish military police and one fat local Greek Cypriot bobby being the raiders of the place, normally this would have been a clang mind the jail door on your fingers stuff! But the fins were good lads and were slow off the mark, and here I must admit the audience were brilliant, by the time the police were round the screen the projector was off the films and the projectionist had vanished and all the men had vanished into the darkness, and only both my crane drivers and I were left with rows of crates, ½an ambulance of local beer and a large if silent screen. Names as they say were taken, and we came to shall we say “an arrangement” the fins land -rover going away with its backside dragging on the road, loaded with local hooch and the local bobby with his bike wobbling away into the darkness his wallet a little heavier. By midnight the cranes were in their places in the yard, paddy had his marquee back, and the crates had been returned, though the fins had had to report something, we had covered our tracks as best we could.What we had forgotten was that dammed screen, what we should have done was to put a second sheet a foot behind it to hide it, it being unfortunately transparent. The screen being thin, the projector strong and the night dark the rear of the screen had been showing a blow job some 20 feet high on the reverse side!It seemed that the monks had complained, perhaps they had never experienced such a scene perhaps they were jealous, who knows.Either way we had some explaining to do, and yours truly was the one who I knew would carry the can. Naturally the service being what it is I was hauled in front of my Commanding officer, as were both the two crane men, though after a bollocking they, were sent off, as I was the obvious culprit, we each swore it was a charity doo, in aid of a guide dog for a distant friends cousins aunt or some such crap! And that there had been a mix up over the supply of the film, we expecting to show a wildlife film, and having no reserve film, had had to show something the clientele being such an aggressive crowd!No, he didn’t belive it either but excepted it as a valid excuseI had a right old wigging from an officer who could hardly keep a straight face, chuckling to himself and his adjutant about initiative, but he had to go through the motions, as the military police had been involve and wasn’t it lucky the local police were not involved… ??? We all knew who had smoothed it over, but I never found out how Tim had swung it and though I was on extra duties for a week or two and we had to donate the remains our takings, to sponsor a guide dog, so perhaps not all was a loss,Fortunately for me Tim I later found was an ex high ranker, I was not sure how but somehow he had smoothed things over, though I do suspect his lady was involved…which seemed to be confirmed at my 21st birthday party a short while later, at our own unit bar , (the Wheel –‘em- inn’) Tim and the CO were seen to be laughing together, and Lauren was d****d all-over the CO`s arm so it rather confirmed not all the off- duty fiddles were confined to the lower ranks!the films vanished and I never did see my starring role ever again though I know the officers mess had a film night a week or two later, and I was treated to a few odd comments from one or two of the officers, on occasions referring to me as “stud!” a nickname that stuck for a while.Ah well, better luck next time!

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